My Biggest Fear Part 2

Before I begin part 2 of my story, my mother has informed me I need to correct one of my facts. Apparently Polly was a gift from my grandmother to my great-grandmother. All this time I thought it was an aunt’s bird. I guess that’s what I get for reaching down into the memory of a 10 year old, but now it’s all straightened out.

I was correct about a couple of things. Polly was a very smart bird, and he hated children due to my uncles’ actions during their childhood.

I left off when my mother took Polly in for a while. I truly think Polly was onto me. He knew how scared I was, and he spent a considerable amount of time in his cage planning his method of attack.

I remember a couple of pot pie nights in our house when Polly was allowed out of his cage to roam. My sister and I would sit at our dining room table with our feet tucked up as far under our behinds as we absolutely positively could get them so we wouldn’t lose our toes to Polly’s wrath. Our little girl ears could hear him walking toward us through the kitchen. To us, there was no mistaking the tap tap tap of little Polly feet on our linoleum floor.

As he would reach the doorway of the dining room, we would look at each other in panic and fear. Usually there would be a chorus of “MOOOOOM!! Polly is in the dining roooooooom!!” To which we’d hear the answer “He’s fine, girls, eat your dinner.”

And then Polly would get closer to us little step by little step. I forget which one of us it was, but either my sister or I got the brilliant idea of tossing pot pie crust pieces towards him in order to keep him busy eating and avoid his being close enough to chew our toes off. Eventually he would get enough to eat and leave us alone. Inside him was a little extortionist, I think. We lost large portions of more than one pot pie that way.

Polly had this giant iron cage that he lived in. Now because I remember these activities from my childhood, the cage could actually be a bit smaller than I remember it. I remember this cage being about 3 foot in diameter and about 5 feet tall. It took up a whole corner of our den when he stayed with us. His cage had a bar that happened to be bent just so, and this meant that Polly could occasionally become an escape artist. My parents would attempt to fix it, and within days the bar would be bent again somehow and he could squeeze through to freedom.

One afternoon, my sister and I were hanging out in the bathroom together (as siblings of the female persuasion are known to do) doing girl stuff- braiding our hair or something equally girly. As we went to leave the bathroom and opened the door, we stumbled into a world of terror we were totally unprepared for.

There in the door frame was Polly, who had stealthily snuck out of his cage 4 feet away, and waited silently outside our door in his little stalker mode. He knew I was in that room and he’d waited all these many years to carry out his plan of attack.

My sister and I both shrieked as loud as we could. Polly let out a loud squawk and came charging towards us, and there was instantaneously mayhem everywhere. I forget which one of us went where- it all happened so fast and all I really remember is the ultimate feeling of terror that everything I had spent my whole childhood fearing was finally coming to fruition.

All I know is that when all of the feathers stopped flying and the shrieking stopped, one of us was inside our claw foot bath tub shaking like a cold Chihuahua, and the other was completely horizontal on the top shelf of our walk in closet trying to blend in with the linens.

My mom showed up at this point with a broom handle, and Polly gave up his pursuit to hop onto it. She placed him back in his cage where he watched us, waiting for his next opportunity...

My Biggest Fear Part 1

I mentioned that my mom has 4 older brothers. They’re crazy. They’re often insane. People have been known to shake their heads and walk away. Others stick around for the entertainment value. I grew up with my wacky zany uncles and their antics were just a way of life for me. The rule of thumb was to never take what they said seriously, even if it was something as simple as, “Ah-choo!”

Back in their childhood days, they had an aunt with an Amazon parrot named Polly. According to the folklore my uncles put forth, one of them wasn’t particularly nice to Polly. That is to say, he teased him fervently. Unmercifully. The way young boys can be known to do.

Not surprisingly, Polly learned to dislike children. I’m not sure if it was strictly one uncle’s fault or not, but what I do know is that parrots live a very long time and this particular one was very intelligent. After his aunt passed away, my now adult uncle inherited Polly.

I’m absolutely sure that Polly was a very good bird. My mom loved him. My grown uncles loved him, although I think Polly may have carried a grudge toward the uncle who teased him.

Polly did some really neat things. He could mimic the cry of a baby. He would use this cry if he felt he was in trouble or being treated unfairly. Whenever it was dinner time in my uncle’s house, you could often hear him say, “Polly want a crack-crack-craaaacker.”

Here’s the part where I have difficulty distinguishing between truth and non-truth. When it came to Polly, I had the fear of God put into me by my uncles. “Don’t go near his cage. He’ll bite your finger off. He killed a small dog once. His beak is razor sharp – it will cut you real good.”

I don’t know if the dog part is true, but I do know he really disliked children. And so between the combination of a grouchy bird and the things my uncles told me, I cultivated an unhealthy fear of birds. On the rare occasion I was around when Polly was out of his cage, I would experience anxiety like no other known to man. Especially when he would look at me with his little eyes and his feathers would fluff and he’d emit a low growl that sounded sort of like, “bruuuk.” At those moments I knew his little mind was wrapping itself around the fact that he was free and I was little and there was nothing between us.

I love my uncles (and my mom) with all my heart. But I’ll have to admit even as a child I was skeptical when they would tell me that all I had to do if Polly came after me was put down a broom handle and he would get on it so I could put him back in his cage.

Are you freaking kidding me? There wasn’t enough candy in town to bribe me into getting a broom’s length away from that bird. He was out to get me and chew my fingers off and that was that. So I did my very best to stay away from Polly.

Now that I’m all grown up I realize what a neat bird he really was. He was absolutely beautiful- this lime green and yellow combination that was really neat. I was fascinated how he could sound so much like a baby. And the way he would sit around and say “Polly. Polly. Polly” when he knew you were eating and not sharing with him. Even so, no matter how neat he was, I think I would still have a major panic attack if I ran into him today.

At one point in my late childhood my uncle and aunt couldn’t bring Polly with them to the current residence they were renting. I’m not sure if she volunteered or was asked to, but my mom said Polly could come and stay with us for a while. I firmly believe this is when he realized how massive my fear of him was and began to mess with me……..