It's Snot Funny

Critter’s latest teething endeavor is quite unpleasant. He is (of course) miserable, but who wouldn’t be when your body is trying to push a piece of bone through layer after layer of your soft tissue?

Teething comes with a variety of symptoms, and, of course, no two children are exactly alike in their teething experience. Loss of sleep, general grumpiness, explosive messes in diapers, and hair trigger crankiness attacks are just a few. And although Critter is indeed miserable, and has told me on more than one occasion with his red rimmed eyes and little Oooooooo’s and Owowowow’s for periods up to 20 minutes straight, it is none of the above listed symptoms I wish to dedicate this blog entry to. The symptom I wish to discuss is so bad, so awful, so fowl that it has sent me running for the tension tamer tea at 10:30 on a Monday morning.

Let’s talk snot. Critter’s nose has turned its self into Mt. Vesuvius. Usually when a child has a runny nose, you grab a tissue and wipe. But with Critter’s nose, that seems to be like taking a single two ply square of toilet paper and attempting to mop up an entire gallon of spilled milk. Between the snot and the gallons of drool, I have had to pull out the big guns- the softest most absorbent towel I can find. Let me explain why.

His eruptions begin with a steady bead of snot, flowing from one nostril or the other. And since the eruptions occur frequently, there seems to be no preference to either side. The boy’s nostrils are an equal opportunity eruptor. Before you can blink, things begin to bubble over, and there’s a river of clear ooze coming from the nose. The drool that accompanies the eruption begins to pool up in the volcano’s crater (Critter’s mouth) and escape with record setting speed over the outer ledge with a gushing waterfall of slightly thinner viscosity.

I swear it’s like being drawn into a natural disaster from which you clearly see coming but can not escape. There begins a low gurgle, an undulation of mucus, a deep breath, then, “Aaaaaaaaa-Choo!”

And I become Pompeii.

Yuck.

I Declare Myself Queen of the Snippets- A Week in Review

As proud residents of "The Land of Lincoln", Bonehead and I have had to face challenges this week that, quite frankly, we never thought we'd see. It seems we were both accosted (adopted?) by a 3.5 ft tumbleweed this week. It chose to make its presence known to Bonehead at about 5am by blowing its way up onto his windshield just as he turned his headlights on in our driveway. Since he's mentioned it no less than 3 times since, I can safely assume there was almost a small wet mess in the driver's seat of his car. It chose to (accost) greet me in a slightly more friendly fashion by waiting just on the other side of the garage I have to walk around as I was leaving, causing me to scream like a little girl and almost drop Critter, my diaper bag, and my precious Starbucks gift card. Thankfully, I kept a calm head and was able to protect the card. I'm beginning to wonder if I should purchase Christmas gifts for it because it seems to be sticking around for a bit. It's still sitting in our driveway, and has been the cause of our most recent Neurotic Household Discussion: What the heck DO you do with a 3.5 ft tumbleweed?


Critter has begun another round of teething, this time with a cough I might have to break down and take him to the doctor for tomorrow. I know as long as the copious amounts of fluid flowing from his nose are clear he has no infection, but his cough sounds really "congesty", which leads me to believe I may have to take him for his first "my baby is sick" doctor's appointment. 9 months really isn't that bad. I believe Smooch made it just over a year before he had to have his first round of antibiotics. And there I go again. I should really stop comparing the differences in my sons, they are truly night and day anyway.


We have scrapped our plans for a Christmas family road trip to Florida, opting instead to fly my Mom home for the holidays because, well, who really wants to spend 20 hours in a car with a 10 month old? My Mom recently had the unfortunate luck of being another victim of our crappy economy and lost her job, so my sister and I decided that our Christmas present to her should be a plane ticket up north so she can have some holiday cheer in the form of grandchildren. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her daughters miss her. Nothing at all. She'll be with us for darn near a full month, and I'm starting to realize I didn't take into consideration she will no doubt be grumbling about being cold the entire time. Ear plugs are on my grocery list for the week.


Smoochie has his first teacher crush. He's always talking about "Mrs. S." and how he gets to eat lunch with her once a week because he never gets his paw card pulled in class for misbehaving. You can see him light up when he talks about her. It's pretty cute, and it keeps him working hard in school, so really, it's not a bad thing. A teacher crush is nothing like a girlfriend, which I fully intend to scare away all of. Which reminds me, I should get to work channeling Marie Barone.


Bonehead has his last CycloCross race of the season today. I will be more than happy to get his bike out of the back of our minivan so I don't have to load the groceries up on the side of the van anymore. It has become really inconvenient to avoid kneeling on the bread and eggs in order to buckle and unbuckle Critter in his car seat. I am making the family go hours early for this race so I can watch the women race for the first time. I'm actually a little bit excited about that. After 4pm today, I can put the cowbells away until next season.

The Real Happily Ever After

I do believe I fell in love with fairy tales at a young age. For me, the allure wasn’t so much the prince charming (although he did play a role), but the happily ever after. I’m not sure I even knew what that meant, really, “happily ever after”, but I had my own idea. Which, too, was….um…actually kind of vague. I knew the beautiful princess would feel butterflies in her tummy, and that there would be happiness every second- the giddy kind that makes you want to giggle. Happily ever after was honeymoon bliss (which at 5, I likened to Halloween) every day for the rest of your life.

I met my prince at 15. How many people are lucky enough to stumble upon their prince charming at such a young age? Immediately I befriended the prince, and soon we were inseparable, and he was my best friend. He knew all my deepest darkest secrets, and I knew I could trust him with my life. He was smart, funny, had a poet’s soul and a rebel’s heart all rolled into one. So when I was 19 (and he 21) and he proposed, I jumped at the chance to marry my sweet, handsome, romantic prince charming.

But earlier this week I was feeling pretty duped. Happily ever after doesn’t leave the toilet seat up. Happily ever after doesn’t give you a 6 year old son with the urinating splatter pattern of a water balloon. And as I traveled about the house trying to make it at least presentably clean (feel free to insert a mental picture of a chubby hamster on a skinny wheel here) I was all kinds of grumpy. Seriously, the middle of the floor (in any room, pick a room) has a magnet for shoes that BELONG BY THE DOOR. How hard is it to throw something away when you walk past the trash can on your way to put it on the counter? My effort around here is futile, I tell you.

By Tuesday night, I was feeling much the same. I’d been totally duped with the whole happily ever after thing. How the hell did Snow White clean that house so cheerfully? It wasn’t even hers!

Hubby and I sat in our living room with our dueling laptops watching TV and Google chatting. Let me tell you, Google chat has been a lifesaver now that our son can actually spell and read. Talk about going out to dinner out loud, and the first time you mention Applebee’s and he’s jumping up and down cheering and the next thing you know you have no other choices. We can talk about all kinds of things while separated by a matter of feet. We can share stories or pictures of topics that are interesting that we stumble on. (Yes, we’re nerdy like that) The ironic thing is we still do it, even after the kiddos are in bed.

So when the link came over through Google chat, I thought it was just another funny lolcat that I hadn’t seen yet. I clicked on it, and I saw what happily ever after really was.

He had sent me a Google map. But it wasn’t JUST a map. It was a map of us. It started with a pinpoint at his parent’s house, for his front yard was the place where we met. It had most of our life laid out for me to look at, complete with an explanation of each dot. Our first apartment. The townhome we loved the best. The apartment we lived in (that I picked out all by myself because we were separated by the navy and half the U.S. at the time) that had train tracks behind it and when a train went by, the whole place shook like there was a 5.9 bringing the place down. The location of the birth place of both our sons. There it was, my whole life with Bonehead, all mapped out. I was looking at my happily ever after right before my eyes, which were, at that time, filled with tears.

Someone should write a book on the “real happily ever after.” The one that actually exists-complete with toilet seats and trippy shoes. Because although happily ever after isn’t Halloween every day, and although it is work and drudgery at times, happily ever after does exist. The moment you are looking at it, it might just be one dot on the map, but after a little while it becomes the history of you, me, and us. And as long as we continue to be lovers, best friends, and sidekicks, it continues to be happily ever after.

A Family of Blessings

The time has come again for Thanksgiving. In just under two weeks, millions of Americans will face the dawn of a new morning and at some point during the day most likely take a mental tally of their blessings. I will be one of them. In a time of economic uncertainty, I am thankful for the simple things.

I am thankful for a roof over my head, nourishing food to feed my children, and warm winter clothing for them to wear. I’m thankful for my electricity, gas, and water. I am thankful we have a hot water heater that works, and a furnace as well, for winter life in Chicagoland would be brutal without either of those.

More than that, though, I am thankful for what I would have left if all of that were suddenly taken away from me- my family. My family is by far the greatest blessing, triumph, joy, and challenge of my life. And while most people count their blessings, I nickname mine.

Bonehead: My husband makes me laugh daily. Most people who know him know his dry sense of humor is backed by an intelligence that makes him quick on his feet and an easy target for saying funny things while simultaneously sticking his foot in his mouth by doing so. What they don’t know is that his heart and spirit possess a sense of chivalry and loyalty to his family that can’t be broken. They don’t see how hard he works to support his family, and the sacrifices he makes without asking anything in return. They don’t know that when he loves it is unconditional, that when he plays it is spontaneous and free, and that when he breaks down it echoes in his soul. No matter how much I might grumble about picking up after him, or doing his dishes and laundry, he is a blessing. I am thankful for every day I can look into his eyes and see them sparkle with laughter and mischief.

Smoochie: My oldest son gave my heart a home. He has always been a good boy, better than I deserved. He’s never colored on a wall, cut his own hair, or removed his own diaper for exploration purposes. What he has done is lightened my life with laughter, filled my heart with pride and smiled at me with his sweet smile. He has always had an uncanny ability to put others before himself, which made him odd at 3 years old, when he would readily pass up dessert to help someone in need of help. He has shown my heart how full and warm and happy it could truly be.

Critter: My baby boy is 9 months old, and in the space of 9 months has been the single largest challenge of my life. He has turned my life upside down and spit me out the other side, to be perpetually tired and weary. He has the biggest bluest eyes I have ever seen, and when I hold him close and look into them, he fills me. I have grown a second heart to hold my love for him, and although it is different than the love I have for Smoochie, it is no more or no less than that I hold for my firstborn. He has a temper. He will challenge authority. He will question everything and he will have his father’s ability to see things outside the box. I want to hold him close and protect him from the hard life lessons he will have to learn. I want him to stay my baby blue eyed blessing forever.

My nicknames are terms of endearment for my family, and I am thankful every single day for the joys and challenges they bring into my life. My family helps to make me who I am: A cook, nurse, entertainer, housekeeper, and too many more professions to name. Most of all, though, they make me a wife and a mother, which are the two most blessed titles I’ve experienced in my life.



*This post was created as an entry for November's Write Away Contest, which is graciously hosted by Scribbit each month.

Blog Warming Party Day 7 (And The Winner Is...)

It's finally my Birthday!

Woohoo! I'd celebrate, but to be honest my blog party has tired me out. Plus for some reason today, I have been blessed with a raging headache. I'd say I have big plans for this evening, but we are trying to take our first ever "family vacation" next month, which means saving every penny possible during times when we're already penny pinching. So, I'm off to do my "birthday dishes" and my "birthday laundry". I will try very hard not to enjoy it too much.

I did treat myself to Starbucks this morning. I have finally had the courage to try something new, and have completely fallen in love with their salted caramel hot chocolate. It is divine- like caramelly, chocolaty heaven in a cardboard cup. I most definitely recommend it if you haven't tried it yet.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for...

I asked Smoochie to draw a name for me this morning, and the winner is....

Jafael. Congratulations! I need you to email me your shipping information so I can send your apron and Tupperware goodies out to you. The good news is you should receive it in time for Thanksgiving.

Thanks again, everyone, for visiting and livening up my Blog Warming Party. It has been fun, and I have enjoyed your company.