Friday, August 28, 2009

I Believe...

...that the state animal of Illinois is the Construction Horse.

...that for each construction crew you pass on the freeway, there is at least one very sumptuous piece of eye candy.

...that IDOT places at least one piece of eye candy in every construction crew to keep the soccer moms with low blood sugar levels from rioting while stuck in traffic.

...that someday Critter will realize that EVERY SINGLE ONE of his stuffed animals talks to him in the very same squeeky voice.

...that my heart will break the day Smoochie realizes that mom and dad are boring.

...that someday, somehow, if I wish hard enough, the laundry will do its self.

...that purging items from our home is like plucking a gray hair- for each item you purge, 7 more take its place.

...that pinky toenails grow exponentially faster than the rest.

...that coffee makes the morning bearable.

...that my youngest son may very well be the worlds smallest Anarchist.

...that the words diet and cheeseburger are linked together in my brain.  I go on a diet, and my brain starts craving cheeseburger.

...that PMS should be more aptly named PDPMS (pre, during, & post).

...that even on the most craptacular day, there is some beauty to be seen if you are looking for it.

...that you can count on rain 4 days a year- Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, and Halloween.

...that Friday the 13th is a magical day (I turned 13 on Friday the 13th).

...that laughter (especially from my boys) is the best sound ever.

What do you believe?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Meep Meep Meep

I'm pretty sure I can safely say that most seasoned mothers look forward to the events of today. The day in late August/early September when they rap kindly on a certain bedroom door (or a plethora of them) and gently coax their young back from the land of nod. Back to school. I'm dancing an Irish Jig, tappity tappity.

There was certainly an air of patience as I answered back to the whiny "But I'm still tiiiiiiiiired" groan that erupted from Smooch, and for one of the two times this year (school pictures require a mother's touch as well), I reached into his wardrobe and pulled out something suitable for him to wear. I cheerfully made a breakfast of scrambled eggs and juice and found a crane to lift his back pack (with all 150 lbs of school supplies dutifully labled with his name) onto his back and pushed him out the door. Go child go! Fly forth and learn!

That's the thing about the first day of school- there's an excitement that can't quite be duplicated. Even the alarm (which I requested Bonehead to set for 6:50 so I could get up at 6:30 because for some strange reason he insists on setting it 20 minutes fast and then a certain BONEHEAD I know set it for 6:30 which is really 6:10 and managed to almost put me in such a foul mood I couldn't snooze) was gentle with it's wake up nudge of 'meep meep meep'.

We have this alarm that starts off softly as an "Oh (cough cough) excuse me, mam, but I do think it's time for you to get up now."

The thing is, the longer you ignore it, the angrier it gets. Pretty soon it's yelling at the top of it's lungs, "GET UP YOU LAZY SLACKER!! IT WAS OH SIX HUNDRED SOMETHING 50 MINUTES AGO!! GET UP BEFORE I PULL OUT THE AIR HORN!!"

I enjoyed this morning with cheer because I know the days of the screaming alarm are quickly approaching. Those would be the days I rip comforters off the whining boy, jump up and down on the end of the bed, bark out orders for locating clean pants and a shirt, shove shoes on while the kid brushes teeth and hair, and slap a baggie full of cheerios in his hand as he's running out the door to catch the bus before it leaves.

Now that the excitement of the first day of school is over, I can look forward to the stressful morning rush of another school year, and the daily meep meep meep of my stinkng alarm.

Phew. I was really missing that alarm.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wordless(ful) Wednesday (late): CSI Crime Scene...

Or bath night?

Did someone just say BATH?

Spaghetti night is always bath night 'round these parts- for good reason.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Dust Me

So I was informed by my husband 2 days ago that my blog was getting dusty. He's right, and yet here it is two days later and I'm stealing time to slap together something that might or might not be considered an actual post.

For the record, this summer is kicking my butt. The one weekend I had free was this weekend, and at the last minute yesterday it filled up to an overflowing status that closely resembles all the other weekends we've had since June.

A couple of days ago, someone asked Smoochie what he's done this summer. He looked up with his sparkly blue eyes, smiled his Jack-O-Lantern smile, and stated (for the record), "Watch Cartoons."

Are you KIDDING ME? At this point said stranger is thinking, "Wow lets dish out a mom of the year award. And give the kid a tub-o-corn-dogs while we're at it." They didn't have to say it, I could hear it over the crickets chirping.

I, of course, felt the need to redeem myself. "What about your week in Florida? Your trip to St. Louis for the river float and visiting the St. Louis Arch? How about when the girls (his cousins) stayed with us for 4 days? And the almost two weeks you spent at your Grandma's while your Auntie Gayle and other cousins were visiting from Seattle? The trip to Great America was what, chopped liver? The afternoon at the local water park was just an illusion, right? Ooh! I know, the camping trip to Michigan? What about our pool passes that we've used and abused?"

I swear the boy gave me a look that made me look like the Rice Krispies lady in that commercial-
and said, "Yeah but mom, we get to watch A LOT OF CARTOONS."

I will try my hardest to get a new improved post up at some point on Monday, but in the meantime we'll be running ourselves ragged WATCHING CARTOONS.

Monday, August 3, 2009

What I've Learned This Summer Vacation

It has been a phenomenally long time since I have put anything on my blog. In my defense, it's been summer, I have one free weekend between the beginning of July and the end of September (Two if you throw June into the mix), and in case anyone's forgotten, Critter is now a holy terror fully mobile bi-ped. I know, excuses, excuses, right? I figured as penance, I'd write a little essay on what I've learned on my summer vacation so far.

But instead of an essay, I'm going to write a list. And since it's a list instead of an essay, I should probably call it Snippets. So without further ado, here are my Sensational Summer Snippets. In list form. Typed one handed while eating jelly toast & praying Critter's Cheerios don't hit my living room rug before I'm finished.

1. Productivity decreases exponentially when overly inquisitive children begin walking & getting into a boat load of trouble. Blogging time actually drops to a negative number- I wasn't expecting that.

2. Rooms can explode immediately after cleaning them. As the Mother of a 7 year old, I've been aware of this fact for quite some time now. What I've actually gained knowledge in is the fact that previously mentioned rooms have the capability of exploding silently. It's the stealthy silence that kills me. The boy's a Ninja at heart.

3. Camping for an entire weekend with a 17 month old in a site that is right next to water is just about as much fun as a major league sunburn.

4. While the Tooth Fairy will visit when Mom and Dad are away and Aunt Annie is on duty, he/she will not visit if the tooth is lost during an overnight stay at Grandmas. It's in the fine print of Tooth Fairy contract listed under appendix 3.4, right after the "Your local Tooth Fairy will require a visual inspection of vacated space inside mouth in the event that your child has swallowed/misplaced the lost tooth before payment can be issued" clause.

5. It is possible to eat an ear of corn with one hand while holding little people on your lap and feeding him watermelon with the other.

6. If your husband takes your pillows camping you might as well just go out and buy yourself some new ones and save yourself the trouble of weeks worth of uncomfortibilitly because you can't get them to behave the way they were before they were accosted. I'm neurotic, I know, but the man had at least 6 thousand pillows of his own to choose to take. And I seriously can't get mine back the way they were. It's horrible, I tell you. Beyond horrible. My pillows have been thrown permanently askew by his behemoth family heirloom of a giant noggin.

7. I am a tick magnet. It almost got me in an accident when I discovered one on my upper lip while driving. That's a true story, too. Or sentence, technically.

8. Just the thought of ticks makes my head itch. Are you running your fingers through your hair? Seriously, My head is crawling and I have the heebie jeebies.

9. Thinking that your son may have seen some form of "adult time" when you've snuck up to your bedroom in the middle of the afternoon and not properly barricaded your bedroom door will haunt you for a long time afterward and put a pretty permanent damper on any future desire for adult time as well. Also, as traumatizing a thought as it is to imagine your parents in a compromising position, its easily 100 times more traumatizing when you're on the parent end. By the way, upon discussion, we opted for the don't ask don't tell approach. We figured if he saw what we thought he might have, there'd be the inevitable question or three hundred two. The questions never came. Crisis averted. And if I'd like to gain any desire for adult time this month, I should be changing the topic now.

10. Pretty much the only time Critter will kiss and hug on me enthusiastically is when he wants me to feed him. And while I'm on the topic of food, Smoochie has two hollow legs and if there's food in the house not nailed down it's hiding inside one of them. The boy has a mere 12 inches left before he's as tall as I am, so I know he's not going to have the nerve to get taller any time soon. He's 7. I really don't know what I'm going to do when I have to look up at a 9 year old to yell at him.

11. I have been spending a great deal of time at the local pool with the boys, and actually have the best tan since I was 15. But before you begin to envy me, please be aware that I have learned acutely there is no such thing as relax when at the pool with a 17 month old boy who has no fear. None. And also, don't ask me to raise my arms because the whiteness on the underside might possibly blind you.

12. I've been camping twice,and am preparing to camp again this weekend. I've somehow managed to get prom ready for 2/3 of my trips. I'll let you know if I'm able to finish the season with a perfect record. Some people just never learn, I guess.

13. Last month I had 1.75 whole days without my children to camp in the wilderness of Wisconsin. This weekend I get to have a full 3 & 1/2 days without them to camp with Bonehead and his friend Steve in the wilderness of Missouri. Saturday will involve a river float- my very first- and I'm sure it will be quite the learning experience. I'm feeling the need to remind myself that I don't have to prove myself as daring as Steve and John because I've already been there, done that. Should they discover any 60 foot cliffs, I'll be the one in the raft blinding you with the pale skin flash of trying desperately to tan my underarms.