Friday, July 17, 2009

Dear So and So...

Dear So and So...

Kat from 3 Bedroom Bungalow writes a weekly series of letters to others, and this week I had a few of my own to write, so I thought I'd grab her button and join in.

Dear Dude with the weed wacker at the neighbors (outside my window) at 7am this morning,

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Not a Happy Camper,

Dear Tweezer Making People,

I love your angled tweezers, they are a wonderful thing for this girl who's eyebrows turn into a forest if not bushwacked on a more often than weekly basis. I'm a right handed girl, and my right eyebrow is the epicenter of perfection. However, when it's time to thin out the left eyebrow, the angle is all wrong and I wind up trying to remove a single hair at a time with what feels like needle pointed chopsticks. Would it be that difficult to create tweezers set at the opposite angle? I'm beginning to look like I morphed into Harvey Two Face with the face of Groucho Marx. It's not pretty.

Thank you,

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Thank you for understanding that my son LOST lost his tooth and had nothing to contribute to his tooth pillow. Also, thank you for writing him a nice note explaining that you find all teeth, no matter what, because my boy was seriously stressing. I did not know that you even found all of our dog's puppy teeth. Personally, though, that seems kind of creepy to me.

P.S. Are you male or female? If you are male, it makes my spidey sense tingle- I don't wish to be rude to a dude giving away cash, but do you have any female assistants?

Smoochie's Mom

Dear Starbucks,

I miss you. I yearn for you. My life is incomplete without your frozen caramel embraces. Someday we shall meet again and when we do, there will be great joy and celebration.


Dear Mom,

I realize that you've been a mom for 34 and 1/2 years, which makes you a pro with your guilt trip abilities. I do believe that you have brought things to all new heights with the (widely visible by others) facebook Guilt Trip. Lemme tell you that changing your status to "I sure wish I had new pictures of my grandkids to look at" and causing all 105 of my uncles to harrass me via comments is just shy of shooting up a pizza joint with your tommy gun and calling yourself 'The Godmother'.

Your (posted both video AND pics of your grandsons) daughter

Dear Sister,

How ON EARTH did you not fall pray to Mom's facebook guilt trip and how do I find that ability?

Don't make me give you an atomic wedgie to find out,
Love me

Dear Schedule,

If you cleared up one weekend between now and October I would not be heart broken. I would, in fact, be estatic for a little free time.

Frantic Chas


Mom said...

I like this new column you just started think you should add more often. And just so you know a Grandmother will go to any terms need to get recent picture and videos of her grandchildren truthfully you haven't seen the great lengths I can go to. I would not try to see what that truly would be if I was you. And you must show your sister how to get pictures off her camera and in to the computer before I can torcher her. Or is that her way of getting out of it??????
By the way THANK YOU!
Love Mom

Annie-Roo said...

I never listened to her when I was younger why start now?