Friday, October 9, 2009

Raw and Brutal and Honest

On Wednesday, Bonehead and I decided the best thing we can do at this time for our family is for us to separate. Although divorce is not definite, it is a very high probability at this point in time. It will take nothing short of a small miracle for us to be able to fix the fissure in our marriage.

Without going in to too much detail, I will say that the decision was mutual, and state for the record there has been no infidelity on either part. I will not now, nor in the future, bad mouth the father of my children online or in front of my boys, he is a good man and a great father.

Judging from the obvious lack of sponsorship and ads in my sidebar, it should be apparent that I pretty much blog for me, and that I write simply because that is what I enjoy doing. I debated whether or not to blog about these recent changes in my life, and the structure of our family, and decided that honesty is best. I am not the type of person who can pretend to be something I clearly am not. Life has thrown me a massive curve ball and I desperately need this outlet. Things in my life are changing in a major way.

I am trying my best to continue to see things in a positive light, to look for the humor in each day and keep a positive outlook on life. But I'm finding that I just need to take each day as it comes, deal with what is before me, and be thankful at the end that I made it through. Logic tells me that things will get better, there will be an end to the anguish and heart ache, but my heart screams the opposite. It will be a journey, I will get there, and along the way, I will share what I can in as graceful a way as possible.

Because after all, although I am mourning the imminent loss of more than 15 years of marriage and 20 years of friendship, I have two absolutely beautiful boys to think of.

5 comments:

Redneck Mommy said...

Oh dear. Heartbreak and loss like this is devastating. While I haven't been through this type of pain, I have been through another type of grief.

You are right when you tell yourself there will be a light on the otherside of this darkness.

Just remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed and be kind to yourself until the sunshine breaks through.

Good luck.

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, honey...Wow. I'm speechless and so very, very sorry. I wish this wasn't happening to you or your family, but if it's a decision you've mutually made, then I imagine it has been made with all the thought and consideration that goes into something like this. Please, definitely, as you say, take care of you. Acknowledge your grief when you need to, and know that others will be thinking of you and supporting you the ways in which they can.

Good luck, hun.

Mom said...

You are my daughter and I know that those two boys will get you through this. My heart hurts for you and wish I was able to be there with you, but I'm always available by phone 24/7 no matter what. You are a beautiful, loving, strong, and a intelligent girl keep your head up and do the best you can to find the other side of this. Love you with all my heart. Mom

cindy said...

Just know its ok to cry when your sad, but dont forget to smile and laugh when your happy. Turn to your boys they have brought you so much joy that part will never change, just sit back and watch them before long you will be sitting there with a smile on your face, so proud of what you created and no one can take that away.

Love you always
Aunt Cindy

My heart goes out to you but right now I must go blow my nose and wipe my eyes cant see what I'm typing anymore

Anonymous said...

Why don't you check into your ex's past. Any one girl / woman he's been chasing for a period of time? Old "friends" or neighbors? I bet you'll find something. Where is he staying at now and with who? What kind of a car does he have? Start digging, this smells of infidelity. Does he text constantly in private?