Feminine American Rights:
1. The Right To Have Fat Pants In Your Closet: Come on, ladies, you know the pair. The ones that make their appearance once a month when every other pair of pants feels like a choke hold on your mid section. Without our treasured pair of fat pants, we might be forced to actually rip someone's head off.
2. The Right To Hang Onto Skinny Pants Like Your Life Depends On It: Who cares if you can't get them up past your thighs? They're YOURS, and you'll wear them someday (as soon as you take off the three kids, dog, and husband weight you'll rock them like its 1999 again you swear) even if you have to make a quilt out of them to do it.
3. The Right To Have Shoes That Match Every Outfit: We all know there is no such thing as 10 pairs of black shoes. There's black patent leather with peep toe shoes, black buckle Mary Jane shoes, black ballet flats with polka dot bow shoes, and so on. If they were all the same, they'd LOOK the same by golly.
4. The Right To Lock Yourself In The Bathroom: Because lets face it: You have 3 kids, a husband, and a dog. The only way you will get any privacy this century is by locking the door.
5. The Right Not To Have To Explain Yourself Over And Over And OVER: Because I said so is already way too much of an explanation. Just do it before my too tight skinny pants force me to pop you like a pimple.
6. The Right To Alone Time: Even if you do have to obtain it while grocery shopping. It's a complete hour when your thoughts can finish each other before being interrupted.
7. The Right To Hate The Hair That Is On Your Head: There has not been a woman in history that actually liked her own hair. That's your right, you were born with it. Go ahead and covet thy neighbor's hair. Embrace it, because there's no changing the fact you physically want to shave your head AT LEAST two days out of every month.
8. The Right To Cry For Absolutely No Good Reason On The Planet: Even if members of the male species don't believe there's no good reason for it. Go ahead, cry like there's no tomorrow. Just be sure to pop a couple of Tylenol for the crying hangover that happens a little later.
9. The Right To Have Adult Conversation: Mary Had A Little Lamb only gets you so far. No, stop that gets old after the thousandth time. Adult conversation is a blessing from God, even if it is only answering the question, "Paper or Plastic?"
10. The Right To Your Own Personal Happy Hour Daily: A glass of wine. Or two. A cup of coffee, or tea. Whatever your poison is, pour yourself a little relaxation and enjoy for 5 minutes. Ah, what the heck. We're women. We've got nothing better to do. Take 10.