Friday, June 5, 2009


Dearest Bonehead,

As you may know after joyously celebrating enduring the past 15 years with me, you are the great love of my life frequently drive me insane.  Now don't get me wrong, I (mostly) love you, I do.  But there are moments with you that cause me to reflect upon not only our great enduring marriage, but on the meaning of life (more to the point, on how much yours, in particular, means to you).

I thought maybe I should take a moment to send you my own personal form of the Neurotic Public Service Message, in case you should choose to hear and follow through.  Because the more you learn, right?

I know in the past I have spoken freely by my fear of birds.  And then, there's also my fear of birds.  And in addition?  I have a fear of birds.

However, I have a less well known fear of spiders.  And by less well known, I mean you discovered this fear as I knocked an entire can of coke over onto the carpet of our first apartment because you'd picked one up and were chasing me with it. I just thought I'd remind you of that little tidbit in case you'd chosen to bury it beneath some obscure trivia fact like the speed of sound at sea level as opposed to the speed of sound in a vacuum. After all, that was a mere 15 years ago.

Uh-hum...  Now for the potentially life saving public service portion of my message...

In the future, at twenty minutes to 6 in the morning, before my coffee is even done brewing, you MIGHT want to refrain from pointing in my general direction and screaming at the top of your lungs stating very animatedly the word, "SPIDER!"  That tends to plant the thought that there's a tarantula running across the top of my head and gives me a nasty three day nervous shake. 

In the future the phrase, "Chas ON THE WALL BEHIND YOU there is a itty bitty teeny weeny little spider.  If you'll step to the side, I would be happy to do my chivalrous duty and squash it for you" would work much more efficiently in your quest for home existence peace.

Because, you know, in the future, I may not be able to control what I hit you upside the head with when I have my next case of the nasty three day nervous shake.

Your neurotic Loving Wife.


Johnny said...

Sound can't travel in a vacuum.

Jafael said...

Hahaha! What did you hit up side the head with on this occasion? ;)

Mom said...

OK can you hear me squeak? John I don't think telling her that sound can't travel in a vacuum is really what she was looking for here. But it was what Tom was thinking too as he read this.

for a different kind of girl said...

You know what's even scarier than spiders?

5:40 a.m.!!!

Johnny said...

Uhhhhhhh....directly above your head..