Friday, May 29, 2009

Life With Smoochie

Life With Smoochie:

A few weeks ago Smoochie and I were in my trusty family transportation unit together.  He happily rode in his booster seat behind me while I drove us on the "just the two of us" errands we were running.  I don't often get time alone with Smoochie, and sometimes I use errand time to get away, just the two of us. 

I made the mistake of removing a hand from the wheel (he could not see the other as it was in my lap by my knees on the wheel) and he freaked out.  "Mom!  Put your hands on the wheel!  On the wheel, Mom!"

To all mothers out there, I offer this advice.  Don't ever ever get in a car accident with your almost 4 year old in the car.  Avoid it at all costs.  One crisp fall day in November of 2005, I was transporting Smoochie to his Pre-K class for the morning and I encountered a pediatrician in a hurry to cross from the hospital side of the street to his office on the other side of the street.  And by encounter, I mean T-Boned, set off the air bags, Oh hi, how are you?  Yeah  I tried to honk to tell you I was currently occupying this space and I tried braking but realized what I really felt like doing this fine morning was racking up a $1000 dollar ambulance charge to drive us the remaining 300 feet to the hospital ER to be checked out and assured we were OK. 

The accident was seriously not my fault, the doctor did not see me.  I didn't even have time to hit the horn or brakes, I had no idea a Lexus could move that fast, my hand and foot were only partially to their destinations before I heard the crunch of car eating car.  And Smooch?

Has never let me live the moment down.  Heaven forbid I remove a hand to change the channel, or ask John to take the wheel for a moment so I can blow my nose.  The boy freaks.  But only with me, never John.  One accident, I tell you, and I'm still going to be hearing about it when the boy's in his 30's. 

I have to confess, after about the 325,876.728th time being razzed about my driving, I kind of lost it on the boy.(Isn't it amazing how clearly and loudly I can yell with my teeth clenched together and not moving?)   "Smooch!  I am driving!  You are RIDING!  Let me DRIVE!  I've got it under control!  Now knock it off and QUIT CRITICIZING MY DRIVING!!!"

Quiet erupts in the minivan and all of the sudden we're both listening to the music again.  My blood pressure goes back to normal, and my face looses some of it's purple tint.

About 10 minutes later from the back seat I hear the question, "Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"What were those words you taught me last night?  You know, to use when I didn't want to do something?"

"Oh, you mean the phrase I'd prefer not to?" 

"Yes, that's it.  That's the one!"



"I'd prefer it if you kept your hands on the wheel."


Jafael said...

Sounds like you've got a pretty smart kid there! LOL!

Mom said...

To cute! But you have had another accident or did we forget right after we got are drivers licence! And yes I know Smoochie was not in thoughts then.

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, you have got it made when it's time to teach Smooch how to drive! You just make sure you're the one doing the teaching, and then it's going to be all about backseat driving paybacks!

Traci said...

Ba haaaaaa....that was great! I've learned that I can drive w/ my feet if I have to turn around and freak out on my fighting kids in the back seat...well, of course that ions ago...since two of three are driving FIGHTS...woohooo!!!