Thursday, October 2, 2008

Again With the Lists

Things not included in The Handbook for Parents that should have been:

To avoid completely peanut butter coated faces, cut the sandwich into quarters.

Always have a supply of batteries on hand to combat the creepy evil toy sound of drained batteries.

White grape juice and apple juice are much less noticeable stains than grape juice and fruit punch.

Infant carriers are great beds for babies who are stuffed up.

Fingerprints will continue to magically reappear until all your children are away at college. Don’t bother.

Laundry doesn’t wash its self, nor does it walk its self into closets and dressers. Trust me, I’ve been waiting for a while.

Your child’s cuteness will be directly proportionate to the amount of trouble they are trying to get out of.

Hair spray takes out ink stains.

Magic erasers are a gift from God.

Be prepared to repeat everything you say for the rest of eternity.

The amount of gray hair on your head may very well be proportionately related to the amount of trouble your child is trying to get out of.

Dressers don’t have to be perfectly neat. What matters is the clothing made it there and you didn’t have to do it.

If you have a child who likes to vacuum, go ahead and hand it over daily. Eventually he will get to the spots he missed the day before.

There doesn’t have to be music for you to do a happy dance with your children.

There will be days when you’d rather have the dentist scrape plaque off your teeth than hear the word mom again.

Forget the terrible twos. There’s an attitude that begins between 5 ½ and 6 that may not (as I’m beginning to fear) go away until they hit twenty something.

Do you have any pointers that should have been included in The Handbook for Parents that I might have missed?

2 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

You will answer "How many more minutes?" more minutes than seems sane.

Some days, you have to just have to accept that fruit snacks will be the closest thing to fruit your child will eat.

Some kids just need reprogrammed every day. It's exhausting, so go to bed early.

(I'm exhausted...sadly, I won't be going to bed early! Great list!)

Joel said...

Bonehead vacuums?

Make sure you get the video camera rolling on Sunday!!! At least give us pictures!