Your husband, in proper fitting jeans, is lust and desire personified. How do you manage to let him out the door to go to work every morning without ravaging him to the point of exhaustion? Most women in your position would have him chained to the wall in a flatteringly lit basement, wearing nothing but loincloth and a thin film of ginseng and jojoba infused body oil.
Silly boy. That spot is already occupied by Dwayne Johnson. And occasionally, the Culligan Man. And I need to keep you handy to reach the items in the top cupboards.
What is the speed of light?
You, the great physics buff that you are, have asked me that question no fewer than 1000 times over the course of our marriage, and have told me the answer just as many. But I can assure you of one thing: If you ask me again tomorrow, I still. Will. Not. Know.
You can take any two people out drinking next Friday, who’s going?
You, of course, because life never fails to be interesting with you around. And for the second person? Oscar the Grouch. I’ll bet he’s a real hoot after a martini or two.
You keep your cards pretty close to your vest, tell us something about you that would make your Mom spit out her teeth.
(Quick explanation for those not in the loop: Years ago, our family dog jumped as my mom was bending over, and knocked out her front teeth. Some sort of partial bridge was then made as a replacement, and she has been forced to laugh with her hand over her mouth ever since, lest she spit them out. Occasionally, she is taken unawares, and they have been known to go flying.)
Can I get back to you on this one?
No really, we want to see your mom spit out her teeth, it is funny as hell.
OK. Let me just say that on occasion, I might use YOUR salad fork to scratch
my neurotic spot. I MIGHT. Hey. I’m just sayin’.
What is the deal with your profile picture? How come we can only see part of your face? Why is it cropped like that?
A partial face image is intriguing. And in the interest of intrigue, I figured I would give you two options and let you choose which one is more accurate. I am either performing unspeakable acts of debauchery in the photo, or I cropped out a bad hair day and a serious PMS blemish.
The Princess Bride
Who was in that movie, you know, with that one guy, and it had that song in it?
That would be Patrick Dempsey.
You said you knew Bonehead for almost 4 years before you married him, how did you manage to keep your hands off such a fine specimen for so long? Your humorous online persona belies your scheming calculating nature, how did you finally snare him?I had to wait for the chains in my basement to free up. Then I pounced.
What do want to be when you grow up?
A writer. In a perfect world, I would make us millions with my words.
Bonehead’s friend Steve-why do you blush every time his name comes up these days? Should bonehead be worried?
Uhm...Ahh...I had a dream. And you told him, so now he feels the need to pick on me, too. It's a good thing I'm such a good sport.
And this concludes my first ever interview. Please tune in tomorrow when my Blog Warming Party continues.
Please feel free to leave some comment love in order to enter your name in the drawing for the apron.