Birth Certificate Bingo

I gained 80 pounds during my last pregnancy. Yes, I just went there. Normally, this would have been a secret I would threaten my husband with bodily harm about and taken the secret with me to the grave, but my deep dark secret is out anyway. Apparently, the state of Illinois has felt the need to include this information on my son’s birth certificate. The reasoning behind it has left me absolutely baffled.

I have tried to reason this out in my head, but every time I attempt it I pull up a visual of my little Critter screaming and flailing while running from the county court house after a failed attempt at filing for a marriage license. “80 pounds!! My whole life has been a lie!! I can’t marry you, I don’t even know who I am!!!”

As lost as I am regarding why that whopper of a tidbit needs to be on my son’s birth certificate, I have a better idea of why I gained that much.

My first son weighed 9 pounds 5.9 ounces. My second son weighed 9 pounds 15.8 ounces. Both were little bowling balls, so that can’t be it.

I am of the belief the difference was entirely in the cravings. With Smoochie, I couldn’t get enough steak and green beans. Steak was something I hated until the pregnancy arrived, and then I turned into an absolute steak eating fool. I ate green beans by the can full. I’d have an entire can after work as a snack. Green bean casserole was a nightly occurrence during that pregnancy. I kept the French fried onion people in business single handedly.

Critter brought with him cravings of all things forbidden. McDonald’s breakfast foods-oooooooh the hash browns!! Did you know you could order an extra one for less than 50 cents? That’s probably not the best piece of information to stumble on while pregnant. Their cinnamon rolls, too, found their way into my belly quite often.

Unfortunately, my crave-a-saurus didn’t stop at McDonalds in the mornings. If I stumbled upon anything that was made with sugar, or a non diet soda, it screamed my name into a megaphone until I HAD to eat it just to shut it up. So I would eat it, and say I’d do the worrying later.

And now its sooo-ho later.

I’ve dropped half the weight but that means I’m only half way there. It’s a little hard for me to truly diet right now because I am nursing and can’t really afford to skimp on the calories. Plus, nursing makes me ravenous most of the time. It’s all I can do to put myself in check and keep the grazing to a low roar. So I do the best I can. I will get there eventually, I know I will. I’m sure there will be grumbling. I’m certain there will be the occasional chocolate fest. But I fully intend to keep with it until the much lighter brutal end.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress. I figure I have to do something to keep me busy and healthy until Critter runs screaming from the courthouse in 24.7 years.