One evening in our younger days, Bonehead and I and our friends decided to get together to partake in liquid beverages that were meant to be consumed by those who were older than us. I’ll make a long story short by stating that Bonehead and I never dated. Some day I may share that story- but for now lets just say we always dated other people but were close friends.
I want it to be said that in all of my adult wisdom (and in case my nieces ever read this, or my children in the future) I no longer condone the underage consumption of the spirits. I would certainly like to say for the record that we no longer partake in underage adult beverage shenanigans. It’s wrong, and Girlies, if you are reading this, turn off your computer and go to bed.
Now. With that said, one evening Bonehead and I participated in a small private party at a friend’s house with our perspective dates. In a stunning revelation that will be more of a surprise to those who know the two of us than those who don’t, I was actually wilder in my late teenage years than Bonehead was in his. Bonehead was no pro at the party scene. I would not personally call myself a pro, but I had partaken in shenanigans slightly more than bonehead.
On the particular night in question, we drank. And then we drank. And then we drank a little more.
More sooner than later we were all very happy. I was happy, both our dates were happy, and Bonehead was VERY happy.
Normally I might share some gratuitous Bonehead escapades but on the particular night in question he has just as much embarrassing blackmail on me as I do on him. Upon reevaluation… he has more, so I have decided that some events of this evening shall remain unwritten.
Eventually it got late and we had to head home. Rather than ride in a car with anyone who had been drinking, Bonehead and I decide to walk home. Since Bonehead and I were neighbors, we took off for the walk across town together. I’m sure we made quite the pair as we struggled to walk that hair thin line that was the sidewalk.
At some point we saw a police car drive by. In my happy stupor, I became paranoid. All of the sudden it was as if the cop was staring at us. Not only that, but he was a mind reader and knew that we had been up to no good. He knew exactly what we had been doing and for exactly how long. He knew I was under age and he was going to cart me off to jail for the rest of my adult life. I straightened up the best I could and did my best not to spin with the rest of the world around me.
The event that occurred next has been the subject of the greatest debate the two of us have had. This debate has lasted for 14 years and there is no end in sight. This debate will continue to the very last nanosecond of our marriage. It was my idea, but Bonehead will swear until his last breath that it was his idea. Because this is my blog (and because it WAS my idea) I’ll narrate the next portion of my story as if it was my idea.
Not wanting the cop to see a couple of teenagers out late at night up to no good, I grabbed Bonehead’s hand and held it and said, “Quick, let’s pretend we’re married.”
We held hands the rest of the way home and then continued on with our lives as normal. There was no way for us to know that eventually we wouldn’t have to pretend.
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